i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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