Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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