It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
