Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
