There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
