We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Enjoy the penises
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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