Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
