Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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