found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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