He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
