I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
