I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
