I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
