We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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