Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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