I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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