Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
