Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
