I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
