your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
