I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
