woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
