sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
