i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
