Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
