Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
