My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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