so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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