on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
