Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
