when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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