***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
