I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
