This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
