Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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