I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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