i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
