found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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