I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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