you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
