Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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