I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
