we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
