My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm way too hungover for life right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
