I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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