I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
