This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
