I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
