The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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