Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
