I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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