OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
